A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just had sex on a roof
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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