It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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