My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize