i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
