im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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