I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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