mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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