The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
