so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
