me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want to be your penis for a week.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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