Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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