he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
