If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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