Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
