I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
