doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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