Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
