Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
And then he peed in my hair
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