Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
