Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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