I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
