I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize