then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
