After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize