you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
