Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
