Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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