How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
