i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
