so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
