Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize