Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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