Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
