i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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