Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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