I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
