At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
