he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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