Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
