I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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