Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
