Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
