you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize