Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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