she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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