Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize