What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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