ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
