I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
