Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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