it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Houston, we have a squirter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
