tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
