worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
