before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
