12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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