I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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