You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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