Where is the hickey?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
