I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
