My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
