Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
