I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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