1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
