I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
