Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
