My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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