She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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