I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
