What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
