Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
