like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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