the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize