my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
