Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Two words: nipple clamps
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