i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
