Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
