he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
