She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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