Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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