You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
