Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
