When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
