i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
